Deni u Ghanqbud...

Heh mela...kif stajtu tindunaw mill-isem...iva...ghandi d-deni, u ili gewwa dawn l-ahhar jumejn. Mhux haga totalment hazina, ikolli nammetti, ghax wara l-panic u genn tal-gimgha l-ohra, bejn preparamenti ghall-viva, u biza li mhux se nghaddi, ecc....kelli bzonn naqra ta' break mill-hajja universitarja...

Issa qeghda hawn...fi Flat 47....nhares 'l barra mit-tieqa tal-kamra tieghi u nahseb....Jekk m'hu tajjeb ghal xejn, zmien ta' mard veru jghinek tahseb u tfarfar dawk l-irkejjen remoti ta' mohhok li kienu ilhom jgemmghu ghanqbud. Qed nahseb fid-dar....fil-familja tieghi....fit-triq fejn noqghod...il-qattusa, hija....kollox....nostalgija? Forsi. Inhossni nqbadt ftit fi zmien pjuttost instabbli. Mhux ghax imdejqa hawn. Lanqas xejn. Hawn qeghda ghal qalbi...kemm fl-istudju kif ukoll fil-hajja socjali....Izda dejjem hemm parti minni li tghid "Kieku qeghda d-dar, bhalissa....x'inkun qed naghmel?". Kieku kieku...allahares nibqghu sejrin hekk... Zmien ta' stress kulhadd jghaddi minnu. L-importanti mhux li naharbu lura d-dar...imma li naffrontaw daz-zmien u nitghallmu xi haga...mqarr ckejkna...minn dak li jkun gara. U ija...mhux dejjem irnexxielna?! U hekk mela!

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Haga ohra li rriflettejt fuqha kienet din. Ircevejt email minn kumpanija taz-zfin u qaluli li hemm auditions fil-15 ta' Settembru ghal grupp ta' zfin kontemporanju. Interessanti l-haga. Iz-zfin kontemporanju joghgobni hafna u nhossu soddisfacenti aktar miz-zfin jazz. Iz-zfin klassiku dejjem jibqa l-aktar ghal-qalbi....ghalkemm issa kbirt wisq u gismi nbidel b'tali mod illi huwa difficli nilhaq certu livell.

Hmm....immur jew ma mmurx? Jekk immur irrid nipprepara ruhi...fadal inqas minn xahrejn....u rrid nerga nigi flexible bhal qabel...u iva...jien billi naghmel naqra stretching ma fiha xejn...anzi taghmilli tajjeb....u mbaghad naraw. Jekk ikolli aptit immur ghall-audition imbaghad nara dak il-hin.

U hekk kif qeghdin fuq das-suggett...din hija l-istampa tal-lum. Il-pittrici Mata Wiley thobb tuza zeffiena bhala l-karattri principali tax-xoghol taghha.

Dak kollox ghal-lum. Oqoghdu bravi, u tinsewx tgawdu x-xemx Maltija ghalija!!!!

Over and out.
XXX

Confusion.....

So....viva is over. I passed, and all is good....well...kind of.

I seem to have a problem understanding people....maybe it's my insecurity kicking in...I don't know...I'm just in a weird unfamiliar situation at the moment...should I run away? Should I not? What if people say stuff just to be nice...or because they think I want to hear nice stuff???? It's a very strange feeling...sometimes I get the impression people do and say things for the wrong reason...maybe to protect me? Or themselves? Who knows....this is why I am so confused. Perhaps I should just stop all form of social interaction with people....bleh....Do I really come across as such a frail helpless being???!??! I don't think I am.... I've been through quite a lot, both emotionally (seeing my father in hospital so many times, family issues, breaking up with a person who was very important to me....etc....) and physically (having gone through 2 eating disorders)....so in my opinion I am quite a strong person....Well, I am living in a foreign country. Didn't know anyone at first....just started a new chapter in my life in a new country with nothing to rely on excpet my own self....that's not being weak. I disagree.

Hmm....so now I've told you about the eating disorders...well....had to crop up at some point. I don't let it bother me anymore. Though I have a feeling that I shouldn't tell people about it. I don't want them to pity me....I don't want anyone to pity me. I am alive to tell the story...that doesn't show I'm weak....but it shows I'm strong to have overcome it. There...

And just to show that it is all part of the past...here's today's picture:



Ah well.....it will pass. Heh. I am easily confused. Will let you know the outcome hehehe

XXX

Less than 12 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm freaking out!!!!!!! In less than 12 hours I have my viva.....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I want to run away!!!!! Pray for me!!!!

Bongu!!!

Good morning! My apologies for the delay…but the events of the past week have made me think twice about writing in the blog…The reason is that although I feel I have to mention the atrocities that have been happening, this is a far from appropriate place to do so in a suitable manner without decreasing the brutality of the 07/07 events. So there….I will choose not to mention it any further, out of respect and solidarity.

On to some updates…..So…in the last post I mentioned my viva….it was scheduled for this week, but one of the examiners was away…so it was postponed to *drum roll* MONDAY!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’m freaking out. So this weekend the plan is: study, study, study….As with all good study plans, one needs a reward lined up…so this evening I’ll gladly claim my prize at the cinema. Johnny Depp and chocolate….hmm…that should definitely make up for the long hours of study…

Off to hit the books now….but just before I leave….last night Sam and I mentioned the pigeons in Ireland…so here’s today’s picture. Pigeons on St Stephen’s Green in Dublin, taken in May this year.

Take care everyone!!!!

XXX

Sieq wahda gewwa......

Illum sirt naf li ghaddejt mill-ewwel fazi tal-ezami....jigifieri qraw it-tezi w ghogbithom. Habbruli li l-viva se jkun il-gimgha d-diehla. Ghadhom ma jafux ezattament meta'. Probabbilment se jkun nhar il-Hamis. Ghandi biza' tal-ghageb fuqi...imma la ghogbithom it-tezi sinjal tajjeb - kieku m'ghajtulix ghall-viva. Issa naraw...itolbu ghalija!!! Ghalkemm nimmisja d-dar u gieli nixtieq naqbad l-ewwel ajruplan u nerga lura Malta, din il-PhD qeghda tassew ghal qalbi....u ghalkemm id-dar dejjem tibqa' d-dar, hawnhekk nista' nghid li ghall-ewwel darba f'hajti qed naghmel xi haga li nhobb u niehu gost naghmel, u li (nispera) aktar ma nghaddi z-zmien, aktar nitghallem fuqha biex inkompli sejra dejjem ghall-ahjar.

Il-gimgha d-diehla tigi u tghaddi...irrid jew ma rridx...m'hemmx kontroll fuqha dik il-bicca. L-unika haga li nista' nikkontrolla hi kif immur waqt dik is-siegha w nofs, meta nkun gol-kamra maz-zewg ezaminaturi......

M'hemmx x'taghmel...ikollna nistennew u naraw. Sa dan it-tant itolbu ghalija!!! Caw caw u l-lejl it-tajjeb!!! XXX

I'm Only Sleeping....

So….another day has gone by, and this time I’ve decided to write something in English, after receiving a number of complaints from friends outside the Maltese-speaking community. I must add at this point, however, that I am very very impressed with Rui, who sent me an email with the words “Bongu! Kif inti? Ma nitkellimx tajjeb bil-Malti! Sahha!” (Translation: “Good day! How are you? I don’t speak Maltese very well! Bye!”) So prosit hafna Rui….kompli sejjer hekk!!! It’s always fascinating when a foreigner actually says that Maltese is “a cool language” (direct quote from the email), after all the spelling nightmares and years of blood, sweat and tears trying to decipher the contents of Qawsalla…..

Anyways…..back to how my day was….well, as the title suggests, although I physically woke up at 8 o’clock this morning, I spent the whole day in zombie-land. No particular reason why this happened…it’s just that these days I’m not managing to fall asleep immediately. And I’ve tried herbal teas, warm showers, peppermint oil, no coffee…the works. I even tried not reading (yes I did, honestly!)…..because sometimes I find I fight to remain awake when I’m engrossed in a book….so I thought that perhaps this may be the reason why I wasn’t falling asleep. No luck so far. So it comes as no surprise that I spent the whole day in a state of semi-oblivion to what was going on around me….(for a change….)….and I was humming “Please don’t spoil my day, I’m miles away, and after all I’m only sleeping…” Viva John Lennon….(again, for a change…)...which reminds me....this is today's picture. Sounds cliche I know....but today's blog is all about a Lennon song so there you go....it's all linked....

I left uni early, to try to get some sleep, and I managed to lose my ring. I always wear 4 rings with celtic symbols on them….they were all bought from different places in Ireland, and every time I go there, tradition has it that I must bring a ring back with me. The ring I lost today is the one I wear on my thumb, and it’s the one I call “Ireland 3”, because my mother bought it for me when we went to Ireland together (and that was my third visit). I had already lost this ring once before. It was when my mum was visiting in November. We had gone shopping and when we returned the ring wasn’t on my thumb anymore. I looked for it but couldn’t find it anywhere…..that night I dreamt it was by the gate at Jarratt Hall, underneath the first pot….so in the morning I looked for it there…and it was exactly where I had seen it in the dream. Talk about coincidence!!! Anyways so today I lost the same ring…but I found it after a couple of hours. It had slipped out of my thumb, and it didn’t reappear as magically as the time before….

Now it’s almost midnight, and oddly, I feel as awake as ever. I’ve just had an interesting discussion with my flatmate Nancy from Greece. We spoke about such random stuff…but sometimes you just feel you need such discussions to recharge your batteries….It was funny though…..we started talking about the Live 8 concert and somehow ended up discussing…ehm….men taking themselves on a joy ride in public….

So, moving on…..

Well…now I’m sipping my chamomile and peppermint tea while listening to Enya and writing this blog….so perhaps it’s time for bed…Lying there and staring at the ceiling…..waiting for that sleepy feeling….OK OK OK I’ll stop!!!!! Good night!!! XXX

Xita, Beatles, u Diet Coke......

Ghadni nasal mill-universita'. Inzertat gurnata griza immens...u sirt ghasra sakemm wasalt! Issa ntfajt nisma' l-Beatles u nikteb xi haga fuq dal-blog qabel ma nibda nistudja. Illum nghidilkom storja dwar it-temp ta' Birmingham....

Tradizjonalment, l-Inglizi ghandhom ir-reputazjoni li meta jigu biex jibdew diskursata ma xi hadd li ma tantx jafu, jintefghu jparlaw fuq it-temp. Qabel ma gejt noqghod hawn, kont nghid iva possibli? M'hemm xejn t'aktar interess???! Issa li ili nghix hawn disa' xhur, skoprejt ghaliex it-temp ta' sikwit ikun punt ta' diskussjoni...Ghandhom ragun, sa certu punt. Jekk wiehed jipprova jsib xejra fit-temp Ingliz, l-unika tendenza li tista' torbot fuqha hi li dat-temp ghandu izjed burdati minni meta jkolli l-PMS...(iva possibli?!?!?!)

Mela jkollkom tkunu tafu li, ghalkemm f'Malta t-tbassir tat-temp tipikament jikkonsisti f'tahlita ta' kollox sabiex tkun giet imsemmija kull evenjenza possibli, (ez. sema msahhab, b'waqtiet xemxin, u xi halbiet ta' xita), hawnhekk ikollom ragun jghidu hekk. Inqum fil-ghodu u nhares mit-tieqa - xemx tizreg (li ghall-Brummies ifisser mhux aktar minn 25 grad f'nofs heat wave qalila) u nghid "Tajjeb...mela nista nilbes hwejjeg tas-sajf u karkur." Lanqas nilhaq nimxi pass il boghod mill-flat li ma jinzilx dulluvju....Nerga nidhol gewwa, nilbes xi haga aktar xitwija, gakketta w zarbun li jiflah ix-xita. U tlaqna lejn l-universita'.

Jasal hin l-ikel, u shabi jsejhuli biex immorru nieklu barra, fuq il-haxix tal-kampus. Haxix?? U x-xita? Nhares barra mit-tieqa.....sema car - lanqas shaba wahda - u xemx.....sa dan it-tant jien, ta' Maltija li jien, liebsa qisni sejra fuq xi muntanja silg ghax fil-ghodu ghamlet ix-xita....M'hemmx x'taghmel.

Issa tghallimt li s-sajf Ingliz huwa dan....ilbes hwejjeg sajfin kemm trid, imma QATT m'ghandek tilbes krakar, ghax ibqa' cert li dak inhar taghmel xi maltempata papali; u dejjem gorr gakketta w umbrella, ghal li jista' jinqala'...anke jekk tidher gurnata sabiha....

Darba, ghall-bidu li kont hawn, kont qed nara ftit television sakemm xrobt il-kafe' (kien xi weekend ghandu jkun). Giet wahda thabbar li se tkun gurnata "Mediterranja"....u ssuggeriet li kulhadd ghandu jmur jixxemmex, izda mhux minghajr sunblock. Il-kliem ezatt kien "Pack your bags, dig out those sunglasses and go and enjoy the sun - but don't forget your sunblock....it's a scorching 18 degrees out there...". Tajjeb wisq. Tghid din tigi minn dak li haseb li Malta m'hemmx air conditioners??

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Hassejt li ma nistax nikteb blog bla ma nsemmi l-grajjiet ta' dawn l-ahhar tlett ijiem. Ma tantx hemm xi tghid hlief j'Alla dawk it-tmien persuni li se jiltaqghu jikkunsidraw dak kollu li qed jintqal fil-marches, il-kuncerti, ecc. Tkun vera tal-biki jekk dan iz-zmien jigi mfakkar bhala z-zmien meta stajna naghmlu xi haga w m'ghamilnihiex....Insomma. Biz-zejjed paroli issa. Caw caw!!!

yes ehm....this is 3 year old me....now I've grown horizontally....vertically I'm pretty much the same as then.... 

Merhba.....

Mela....peress illi kulhadd qed jizvoga f'dawn il-blogs, iddecidejt li forsi xieraq nipprova nzomm tip ta' komunikazjoni mal-bqija tad-dinja....specjalment issa li ninsab f'post li hu l-aktar il boghod possibli mic-civilizzazjoni.....u li sikwit jissejjah Birmingham, UK.

Ili hawn minn Settembru, u fejn is-soltu (nisthi nghid), ma nikteb xejn bil-Malti, din id-darba xtaqt inzomm dat-tip ta' djarju (jew pagni bla sens mimlijin tgergir, ferh, cucati u stejjer) tal-hajja ta' tfajla Maltija qalb il-gungla ta' l-Ingilterra.....bil-Malti, ghax tqazzist nitkellem bl-Ingliz u nisma nies isejhuli "mejq".....Ridt bil-fors inzomm kuntatt mal-blata ckejkna ta' Malta, biex ma nkunx fil-periklu li nitlef l-identita Maltija....jew xi haga hekk insomma....Ghall-ewwel kont qed nikkonsidra nimporta l-pastizzi, bigilla, gbejniet u kinnie.....Imma mbaghad hsibt li Birmingham ghadha m'hix lesta ghal xokk kulturali bhal dak.....ikel li ma jinxtarah f'pakketti? Mela qed niggennu?......nahseb blog fuq l-internet hija soluzjoni aktar semplici...

Ma nafx ezatt x'tip ta' forma se jiehu dal-blog imma l-pjan hu li meta jkolli xi haga ta' interess (imqar remot), niktibha hawn...niskuza ruhi ma' dawk li gew hawn fit-tama li se jsibu xi revelazjoni, jew idejat ta' ispirazjoni....dan l-ewwel blog li ser nipprova nzomm...u mill-esperjenza li kelli s'issa ta' djarji eccetera, ma nafx kemm se jdum sejjer. Issa naraw.

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Illum inzertat gurnata pjuttost xemxija...Mit-tieqa tal-kamra tieghi, go flat 47, ma jidher xejn hlief balla sigar u ftit sema kahlani....imma m'ghandi xejn xi ngerger....ghall-inqas mhux xi skip, jew saqqu qadim, jew xi nofs karozza msadda. Izda ghal min ikun irid jara dawn l-affarijiet kollha, kemm tmorru erba' bibien l'isfel minni. Jekk tkunu xxurtjati, forsi jkun hemm mazz siringi wkoll....skond il-livell ta' disprament tal-bierah tat-tfal tant helwin li joqoghdu faccata tal-Halls fejn qed noqghod.

Illum ma fadalli xejn x'nikteb....nghidilkom iktar fuq l-'ikel' ta' Birmingham aktar 'l quddiem...imma issa ghandi l-guh!